Updated My Calendar

A lot of people ask "what I do," in terms of losing weight. I guess the weight lost is the most noticeable things about me and what the people I'm around with  notice the most.  They don't really care for my PRs in running and stuff ::cries:: Haha. Its all good, I'll get people hooked into running, I've done it before, I can do it again!

Anyway, I'm always a little bit hesitant to share because it looks crazy in calendar format. Crazy looking things tend to overwhelm people, and I'm one of those people who if I get overwhelmed, I tend to give up. But don't be overwhelmed when you see it.  I also hesitate to share since what works for me, might not work for you. But I like to share because when I started, I was shared to. Not everything that was shared to me worked for me but it gave me somewhere to work from.  And it wasn't just from a place as vast as the internet, it was from someone I know and trusted. So if this gives someone somewhere to start, so be it.

Just reminding you dear reader not to get overwhelmed when you click on the picture to enlarge:

This is just for the tail end of January to February. I can give you access to my full calendar if you ask . Look at the left hand side, but if you can't tell:

• PURPLE = CARB CYCLING
• RED = HALF MARATHON TRAINING
• BLUE = P90x

Green is just the holidays and stuff .  

Please note that all of this is pretty flexible. The only thing I'm going to be strict with is that I get in my work outs and that my nutrition be clean. I'm going to be really flexible with Legs & Back for P90x because I have my long runs on Saturday. Those kind of things, we need to be flexible with. No schedule should be so strict that it drives you crazy. You don't want to get crazier, you just want to get healthier right? 

My schedule is pretty intense because of my goals. I'm carb cycling because I want my metabolism to be on high and I want to kick a plateau- as mentioned. It also works for me because it keeps me accountable to my high carb days because I'm constantly on a low diet that its just not good. I'm also training for a half marathon, Hollywood Half [link on side bar] on April 7, I just now realized that I'm 2 weeks behind. Oops! P90x is to maintain my muscles and I really wanted to stick to the P90x calendar as close as possible. As you can see, I skipped a bunch of non strength training things [Kenpo, Core Synergetics, Yoga, etc.] because of my running schedule [flexibility is on play once again].  I did shuffle it to include Chest, Shoulders, & Tri and Back & Biceps on phase 2 and end of phase 3. 

So yeah, that is my crazy calendar. On top of that I'm going back to school, still free lancing [dedicating a lot of my time here too, take steps towards where you want to be], & working a part time job. It can be done if you want it bad enough. I admit I'm not the busiest person, but honestly, if you want it bad enough, you'll find a way; if not, you'll find an excuse.  

So there you go. That is what I do. If you need help planning your own, as some people have expressed, let me know! We can totally make up a plan [both nutrition & fitness plan] that is geared towards you and your goals. I would love to help you out as long as you're willing to acknowledge that I am in no way a nutritionist or a trainer, not yet anyway, just someone who is passionate and would love to share this part of life with you!  And also acknowledge the fact that I'm still on this journey myself. It feels weird being asked for help when I feel like I still have light years to go.

Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off and Start All Over Again

Before Aaliyah, there was Sinatra

This isn't a workout song per say but it applies to working out, eating clean, and messing up. And life in general.

If you messed up, ate 3 [at the end of the day, I had six total] cookies [that would be me!] and failed on pull ups [that would be me again!], just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, & start all over again!

It really is about keeping on even during set backs or even when you "fail." Failure means to stop and give up, as the Babe, Ruth that is, said, "It's hard to beat a person who never gives up." and that person would be you.


PS. My core/abs, shoulders & arms, and glutes hurt tho, not excuses just stating that they were in fact put to work yesterday.

Oh Man...

I follow alot of other fitness blogs, and I saw this in one of them:

Damn.  I'll be honest, I was kinda angry when I read this! "Did someone just call me a dog?!" Then I was like I like dogs, they are awesome and keep me warm.

I'm not trying to be the fit police or the food police here. This one really just "hit home" so to speak.

I don't really eat food as a reward, its not like I work out and then use that to justify why I ate cake.  The closest thing I do is my "simple carb" right after a workout. This one still spoke to me in terms of eating healthy & clean.  Healthy as in eat enough to fuel myself & clean as in you maybe meeting your calorie levels, but not your nutrients.

I know if I am more strict about intake, I can seriously seriously improve by leaps and bounds.  If I can eat not as clean and see this much progress imagine if I re-vamped and amped up intake? Which is a big big big part of fitness. I would see progress quicker and feel better over all.   Eating clean or super clean isn't necessary for everyone, but for my goals, 2012 is the year of abs, it is a big part of it. 

Anyway, something to chew on think about.

It All Starts Here...

Most people, when they want to get fit, head to the gym, but really, it starts HERE:

the bright yellow kitchen!

for the past 5 days, i didn't run or p90x. goes without saying, i was restless & mildly depressed but i did it to prove a point, mostly to myself. a lot of times when people want to "get fit," they head to the gym, what most people don't realize is that getting fit starts in here, the kitchen. i have the worst eating habits ever [not eating enough or eating enough but not nutrient dense foods], & i decided for 5 days that i would just concentrate on eating right. to me that meant bumping my 1200cal/day to 1500-1800cal/day [even when i wasn't working out, but still doing active things like living life. this was hard]. making sure i was getting my carbs [i don't normally eat carbs. i <3 bread, & if its something i <3, i normally do or die it] & making sure i get my fiber, iron, and all my nutrients in. but i also gave myself some room to eat what i wanted- specifically speaking, pumpkin pie.

five days later? I'm down a solid 5 pounds & broke the plateau that was pissing me off & I've been on for 3 weeks. i think 5 days of no running & p90x messed with my emotions [lack of endorphins] much more than anything. it sucked but i learned something about a big part of working out/getting fit that i couldn't have learned other wise. I'll do another long, separate blog post on what to eat, everyone always asks what i eat, these are just a few things that i learned on the past 5 days.

DO... eat clean! eat your veggies! for me, this is no problem, i love vegetables. i just needed to add more dark greens for iron. eat lean meats! turkey breast, chicken breast! protein helps you stay full!

BUT...

DON'T... deprive yourself. i know thanksgiving is this Thursday & it marks the start of yummy eating. just be smart about what you eat, in other words, don't use working out & eating clean as an excuse to binge. go ahead, have a piece of that dark meat or some yummy ham. i seriously ate pumpkin pie and a biscotti during those five days and i was like i'm effing myself over, but in reality, those "breaks" in food just helped me not to binge, which i know we all do over this season.

DO... keep active! its cold, nothing better than being indoors wrapped in a blanket. but stay active! i know i didn't work out & run during those 5 days, but i wouldn't be surprised if some of those 5lbs i lost were muscle weight. i know its all not because i also measure myself & weigh myself so i'm pretty familiar with my body. but keeping active- not just running or weight lifting- go snowboarding, ice skating, walk downtown, etc. will also help your metabolism to always be "on." thats another thing i'll talk about later on, how to manipulate your metabolism. i know my metabolism is always "on," i can tell, and its crazy how if you have the know how and the drive you can make your body do crazy awesome things.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY...

DON'T... forget to have fun. its an awesome season. everything seems to be so magical and awesome. its a time to be with friends & family. a time to reflect & be grateful for the past year & the years to come. life is a gift, meant to be enjoyed & lived to the fullest, being healthy helps you live a long one [trusting in the One helps you live forever]. enjoy it, LIVE IT!



PS. I broke my non-workout streak today with Shoulders & Arms for P90x. It feels good to be back <3 Now to shower & walk laps in the mall- I really need new pants. still wearing the same pants since before i started, i'm now down 6 sizes. i think i should buy new ones.

with the workout nectar of life, jack3d

Strength Training 11/09/11

Chest & Back

I'm so determined to have proper form for chest & back. I know my form isn't the best and I'm really doing low reps with proper form but so determined. I feel like I can only tackle one a time and now that my form is passable for shoulders & arms I want to work on chest & back. I know I should be doing proper form for everything [including running] but I don't want to get overwhelmed! I'm so weak. Since I can't do a lot of reps for any time I just planked, the exercises kind, not the trendy kind. I want to plank for a minute without shaking like crazy. 

I wanted to run this morning but this cold gave me a cold. I need to boost my immunity, which means I need to be smart and consistent about my vitamins. I know I don't get everything from what I eat because I haven't been eating right.  Its "clean" but maybe too clean if you get my drift. I'm below calories and I'm practically on a vegan diet because I don't want to eat meat. I only want chicken. Or turkey and we have neither. I'm being so picky at the moment. I really want to drop that excess weight.  But I know I'm gaining a lot of muscle as well.  Which doesn't show on the scale but it shows everywhere else.

Speaking of running, I also need to sign up for Hollywood Half before December. I'm debating about doing Turkey Trot this year. I haven't done a 10k race but I've done a 5k & a half-marathon. Haha. Oh yeah, this enabler has been enabled!!! I just want to say thanks to my enabler for this:

That Running Warehouse [my favorite shoe store!] box holds something. I'll divulge soon, but lets just say it feeds my addiction! I know its a gift, but enabler knows I might return it. I need to read up on it and see, but dang, if it isn't awesomeness in a box!!! I mean awesomeness!

And really awesome words here:

I always tell people this, even before I saw this graphic, I've told those who are on the fence about pursuing their dreams to do so.  Those who know me know I'm an enabler.  I share life because I want others to know they have the freedom to share theirs with me, and others. Sometimes, were afraid to "go first." Were afraid to share our dreams, our struggles, our worries, our cares, or even take the first step to wherever, because we don't want to go first.  I think one of the great things we can do is "go first," that way, those who are afraid, will have the courage to go at all. Running, & working out, for me has become so much more than a physical thing, it really is something that benefits your body & mind, and majority of runners I've met in real life and online are all surprisingly kind and down to earth and keeps it real. Regardless,  we are all in life together. Don't be afraid to share your dreams, to show your dreams, because you never, I mean never, know who is willing to help you and how great that help can be.

Rest

Usually by this time I'll be done with my workout, laying on the floor and cooling down after cooling down.

Right now, this is my view

Spirit of the Marathon loading on Netflix and a bowl of oatmeal with frozen blueberries drizzled in honey, my favorite.

I have this weird thing where I will wake up after four hours of sleep. I usually don't knock back out unless I'm super tired of I'm in vacation, and I guess last night I was neither super duper tired- just tired, or in vacation.  I slept pretty early, for me that means anytime before 3 am, but I still woke up 4 hours later and I couldn't sleep.  But I woke up sore.  I forget that for me when I do P90x arms & shoulders the soreness doesn't kick in till a couple of days later.  The push ups? Thats like after the first one, haha! But I woke up and my entire upper body was, and still is, sore.  I was thinking of doing yoga, but I remembered this quote:

Activity isn't always progress; sometimes it's just activity. Rest is always rest

-Bob Goff

Bog Goff is neither a runner or a P90x-er. But he is one of the most inspiring person I know.  He does a lot of philantrophic work and really has a heart after the people. If you want to learn more about him, "Friend" him on Facebook or add him on Twitter.

Anyway, was thinking about that quote and how its true.  As a runner, I love being out there and running.  There are days when I don't want to be out there, there are days when I have to push myself to be out there, but I love it.  Same applies to working out, I always feel the need to be busy.  To be doing something, anything just to be out there.

But there is truth in that: activity isn't always progress. Sometimes when we do something (run too much, work out too much, or other things that isn't related to fitness) we can be doing more harm than good.  This quote is a great reminder that a little down time is a good thing.  That recovery time is necessary so we don't waste all our hard work. Its also good for the mind. 

I'm a type of person who will run to get her mind off things, and my mind has been on a lot of things lately.  I'm learning that running to resolve those things isn't a bad thing, but endorphins doesn't replace rest.  The peace of mind that comes after running doesn't replace an honest talk.  Resolution doesn't come after mile 10, but it comes when we learn to face it head on.  So while I still run to get my mind off things, I also rest to get my mind of things, with the knowledge that neither those two things alone will resolve anything, but they sure help me a lot. Resting to get my mind of things for me is like watching Spirit of the Marathon; it always gets me bawling, and its inspirational movies like this that make me happy, gives my legs a rest, & still motivates me like I'm training.  Have you seen the movie? Its on Netflix. I dare you to watch it and not get inspired! But its true, rest is a big part of training.

Sure its just yoga, but I know my body will appreciate this rest from working out and that means I'll be fresher for my hilly half this weekend.  I could have been like "screw it" and worked out my arms & shoulders again and be miserable this weekend and actually didn't help myself since my  muscles didn't have enough time to recover. So I think this morning's alternative is a very good thing. Oatmeal, blueberries, honey, & Spirit of the Marathon.

Motivational Monday: Lets Get It Started

I'm done! Well, with the P90x part and the planks. I did like ten burpees and decided it can wait. My core hurts and I drank my protein shake and as always, the clear headedness that follows any serious workout is on overdrive. In my world, that means its time to share!

First of all, thanks to all the people who message questions.  Its those messages that make me smile tho. Like that "planking" message and messages that are questions!

I'm not a fitness guru, all I know is what I do, but one question that pops up once in a while is:

How do/did you get started? How can I get started?

I personally got started with running. I've always liked running. I played soccer but to be honest, I get frustrated really easily, even with myself, so a team sport was something I didn't pursue past middle school.  Running can be done alone or with a group, so to me it was perfect.  However, I didn't really run for serious until May of 2011.  Along with running, I also did P90x.  What I hated was having weak upper body strength!  Its not like I'm a gymnast but I hated not having that and P90x was something that I figured could help with that.  I also read up a lot and with the help of a friend was able to just learn more about strength training and just the basic science about it.  This was all around the beginning of 2011.  So thats how I got started.

How can you get started?

You don't need much. I'll show you what I use.

For running, all you really need are good, solid, running shoes.  Don't wear Chucks, don't wear basketball shoes, don't wear flats, and please, please, please don't wear flip flops.  Get some solid running shoes.  If you can't tell, I'm a big Nike fan girl.  I have shoe reviews right here. But for the link phobic, it boils down to my two favorite shoes. Long distance running: Lunarglide +3 & for short distances: Saucony ProGrid Kinvara 2.  Protect your legs! Please don't be afraid to invest and try out running shoes.  I have spent a good amount on my running shoes and some I use more than the other, but I don't regret it.  My legs are something I'll have with me for life, they carry me on my runs, I want them to be protected as much as I can.  For running, that is all you really need to start.  As you push on, you might find you want some dri-fit gear: socks, shirt, shorts, etc.  But thats when you push on.  Some people hate running and I wouldn't want you guys to invest a lot of $ into something you hate, but if you end up loving it, you'll know what you need. If not, talk to me, I love talking gear!

For P90x/Strength Training, I have a little bit more than shoes.  First of all, I can just say a $30+ a month membership to a gym. But I'm cheap, and a lot of people I know either don't have $30+ a month for a gym or have a $30+ month gym membership but don't go.  So, I'll show you what I use at what I dubbed my "Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Gym," a.k.a. my living room.

Free Weights: 8 & 10 pound free weights.  It may seem low, but I'm not trying to bulk up here.  In the beginning I was struggling with 8 pounds. Right now, I'm on 12-15+ reps for the 8 pounds. Its time to move up soon, but I notice my form suffers at 10 pounds.  Foam Roller: you don't really need this for strength training. This is more for stretching and untangling muscle knots, but it never hurts to foam roll! Resistance Bands: when I began, like I said, 8 pound was a struggle.  I hardly use my bands now, unless its a sub for the pull up bar, which I need to buy.  But the bands help if you're beginning or intimidated by weights.  I liked them when I needed them, but I'm always slight terrified of them snapping on my face. Work Out Mat: if you're fine on hardwood, you don't need it, but I like cushioning and this saved my knees when I did push up on knees.  I also like it for cool down when I lie on the floor and think. Jack3d: this you really don't need but it's saved my lazy ass so many times. Jack3d is a pre work out that helps you focus. I would just be careful with it. I'm lucky that I had someone who knew what they were doing help me out when I began with jack3d because I would have been terrified to try it otherwise. I'm also highly caffeine sensitive so I had to learn what works for me. Some days its one dose, some half.

Igor: Igor is my laptop. Work Out Plan: your pick! I use P90x. I used to do Insanity but since Insanity is mostly cardio, I've swapped that out with running.  P90x is strength training. And I love it. Shaker Bottle: for your post work out protein shake! I already drank mine, obviously. Music: your choice! You can click on that to see my Spotify profile. I usually listen to spotify or long mixes, an hour or more long.  Music helps to motivate or push through when I don't want to keep going. Either that or it distracts me and I just end up dancing ;-)

Thats what I used to get started. And I think thats all you really need. But I believe the most important thing ever that you need is:

I'm more than glad to help, I'm more than happy to answer questions, but the greatest and most important gear you need is really just YOU!!!  In the end, you will be putting in the miles.  You will be putting in those reps. Not me, not anyone else, but you.  Trust me, its amazing how running has built up more than my leg muscles.  How P90x has given me more than upper body strength. I don't put all the credit on those, I know God loves me perfectly.  My confidence, my belief in myself, my strength, all has grown as I keep on pushing myself in running and working out, and also knowing that I'm perfectly loved. Its a mental thing as much as it is physical.  Its being proud of something that you know is for you and by you. Its a-ma-zing.

So to those people who messaged over the weekend, go you! I'm surprised at the amount of messages.  Were the planets aligned this weekend that people wanted to "start" their workout regimen? Is it the impending onslaught of holidays, a.k.a. food time?  I'm not sure but for those of you guys, yay! Keep going.  Get those running shoes, get those weights and bands. Or just get yourself and get out there and just do it!

I Sleep At Night...

I sleep at night knowing that I've given 100% in every single thing that I do and I never question it.

-Lindsey Vonn

Random Mental Running Thoughts

“Most of those in our society who intentionally set out to hurt themselves are locked up for their own protection. The rest, we call runners.” -Scott Radley

I haven't ran a mile yet. I'm still doing the post half marathon shuffle when I walk around. But it isn't as bad as I expected which both saddens and is okay with me.

I know I could have done a whole lot better pace wise. Like I mentioned below, I've been doing this alone for a while now. The thing is, I hated doing it alone, but now that I'm used to it, I don't want to do it with others just because I'm used to being alone. When I ran my last "5k," I paced with someone and i smashed my mile time and surprisingly, I wasn't tired or burnt out and I kept on going. I realize that at this point, when I have someone there pushing me, I do a lot better. I realized that I'm not pushing myself hard enough.

That takes a big hit on my ego. I mean big. For a while now, I've been my own cheerleader.  Its been me & the road or me & the weights. I mean for a while now.  But realized that in terms of running I've lost that drive to push myself or I haven't been pushing myself is a huge disappointment for me. I'm continuously kicking myself mentally. I know i could have kept my 10-11  minute per mile pace during my half. I know I could have sub 3 and even 2:30. I'm angry at myself because the last run I did prior to the half, I paced with someone and kicked ass. Why do I need someone else to help me do my best? Its a big blow to my ego. I always say for me by me! I guess I just need to swallow some of my ego and accept the fact that running is part of who I am and I know who I am.

I know that I love people. I'm a very social creature and I love to share life, hence the blog.  I always say people are my treasures. The morning of the half, I was really mentally sad and alone and seeing people finish with family and friends around them just made me more sad and alone. I'm also the type to do or die things and when I have something that affects me that much on an emotional and mental level, I like put up walls stronger than a bank vault. I'll man up and try to act all hardcore and be all tough and pretend it doesn't matter when it really does. That morning, thats what I did, but by doing that it just affected me that much more. Thats why I left 5 minutes after finishing my run. I didn't want to be surrounded by all that celebration and there I was sitting off to the corner eating the foil that wrapped my burrito.

That's why I share online. That's why I let people know I'm there. Cuz I know it sucks to not have someone there to share your successes or rant your frustrations on. I know how some days were motivated to run or work out and some days its just mentally draining.  I know how agonizing over what new pair of running shoes to buy feels. How dri-fit socks and Body Glide make the difference! And I want you to know that I know. That I'm here to cheer you on.

To those few who cheer me on, thank you. I know this is for me, by me but you have most definitely made this journey so much more fun that it could have been if I was really all by my lonesome.

A look into the future for me now is to rest up. I'm about to P90x, get some jack3d in my system and beast mode on some weights. I'm really excited to get back on that P90x! I want my muscles back! I have a few races lined up already and I also can't wait to get run another half marathon and smash that time. I'm looking to cut like 20-30 minutes off my time because I know I can do it. I just didn't push myself hard enough, and someone reminded me I was sick, for the NorCal run. 

Thats the beauty of running, the road will always be there. Go out there, run, beat your time, run longer distances, just run.

The road will always be there.  The question is, will you?

I Wish... I Will!

I wish...

• I wish I could run 6 minute miles.
• I wish I my body was runners lean.
• I wish I could learn how to eat to fuel my body.
• I wish I could run a full marathon.
• I wish I was stronger.

I will...

• I will run 6 minute miles!
• I will have a lean runners body & a booty to match!
• I will learn how to eat to fuel my body!
• I will run a full marathon!
• I will be stronger!

How about you?

What are your wishes? 

Better yet...

What will you accomplish?

Training Run 08/16/11

I'm highly disappointed in myself in this run... but like I always say, at the very least I know its for me, by me. So disappointment can kiss my ::toned:: ass.

I've fatigued on runs before, like mentally and this run was not one of those runs. There would be runs where I'm just brain drained. I'll count and forget how to count. This run was "torture," it really wasn't just a lack of words right now, because I freakin' got side stitches! I haven't side stitches since I started running! After mile 3, it was all downhill. The side stitch wouldn't go away and if I even jogged it would be back with a vengeance.

Anyway, come hither... let me tell you a little secret...

I always spew positive stuff, for the most part, but during this run I decided to quit running 50 times, and decided to keep at it 51 times. Its not always sunshine, mentally at least- as for the weather its been hot and nasty- but what matters is keeping at it. Today I wondered if the nasty sock tan line, the nasty Nike + Sportswatch GPS tan line, my Pasadena Marathon tech-tee tan line, my Nike Pacer shorts tan line, and the tanning of my face was all worth it. I wondered if puking in the park was worth it. I wonder if stopping to stretch it out and I guess looking so tore up the park ranger asked if I was okay was worth it.

Is it worth it?

Maybe at that moment its not worth it, but I have never gone on a run and finished and regretted it after.

Even now when I just want to sleep in the freezer and not wake up for a year. Now when I want to cut out my side stitch. Now when I'm questioning my sanity...

I can still say it was worth it.

Am I disappointed in my time?! F'ck yeah I am.

Its annoying me so much I want to go out there and run another 7 just to tell myself I can do better. Its annoying me that much.

But ultimately, I'm glad I went out there and did it. Its not my best. It added 30 minutes to my 6 mile time when I only added 1 mile- that is what is annoying me so bad right now. But you know what. I know what I did for my body- not running for a week and party rocking on my birthday- was detrimental. Was that worth it? I would say yeah. Haha. I can get oer this little running slump in a week if I just keep at it.

Anyway, my splits are so nasty I won't post em up. But if you're on Nike +, look it up =]

PS. I ran in my Kinvara 2. 10 miles on em in two days. I think they are so "delicate" I'm going to save em for "race day" shoes, just 5ks & 10ks. I'll do my shoe review soon. I'm so excited cuz I basically have no clue how to review things, but so far, just spewing out whats on my brain works!

PPS. As much as I want to sleep, Jess is on her way over to P90x & I told her I'll put her to work!

1 Day vrs. 8 Months

MEET THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE!

THE DREAD-MILL!!!

I just want to be honest here. I'm not admitting defeat, but I didn't run my 7 on the treadmill.


I ran a mile and freakin skidded off.  I'm not sure if you can tell but the dreadmill in our house is narrow! And my right foot caught/landed on half the belt half the not belt... cue the skidding! I also have never ran the dreadmilling using my Nike+ Sportswatch GPS, but the watch and the dreadmill were off in distance by .30 of a mile. Time was no issue, but the distance was an issue! I didn't know what to believe. Can you calibrate the pod with the watch? I need a smart phone now just for dreadmill purposes! SWAG! According the Nike I was hitting a mile, according to dreadmill I was only at .7. Thats a big difference when I'm  trying to gauge my time. I'm not an elite athlete, but dang, I would like to believe that I am improving or at least have some sort of consistency!

Anyway, I have awesome friends because look what a friend sent:

"There's your run Catherine"

Thanks Thomas! I know I told you to run 30 miles because of the late birthday greet, but this 7 made up for my lack of 7 today. Haha. I remember in high school AP Chem, there was the bunsen burner and the full pack of matches incident that sent a 2 feet flame shooting out. Mr. Ashley was probably mad and my hair could have gotten caught on fire. Well, this makes up for it! Hahaha. I'm so glad to be surrounded by people who support me. And who understand the craziness that is running. I still ran today, just not my 7. I was supposed to run what I ended up running today TOMORROW, so I'll just switch.

So its not that bad you guys.

The whole point of running/working out is to keep on going.

Remember?

eat clean, train dirty, & keep at it.

Keeping at it includes keeping at it when you go through bad days and days when you feel like you've failed. Don't think of it like failing. Think of it as succeeding at something else.  You went out there and tried despite whats going on. And that is a lot more than giving up without even trying.

So on days when you reverse the saying and eat dirty, train clean, & not keep at it, just remember that you have tomorrow. That one day of messing up, or not accomplishing what your calendar (which can be revised) says you "have" to do, doesn't undo all the other 8 months of eating clean & training dirty. Not one day is wasted! Even if you think its a fail, it isn't wasted.  Trust me. If you're out there and really doing  your thing and one day you "fail" its probably you're body begging for rest. In my case, its my body begging for rest from having too much fun in So-Cal. But hey, I tried and I don't think I failed, I just succeeded at something else.

Don't focus on that one day of "fail" when you have 8 months of win! I don't think its a fail. I don't think that you can really fail if you go out there and try and keep on trying. Every damn day. Just keep at it!!! You fail when you stop trying.

If you want to know what I did instead of running, I caught up on Jersey Shore, played a round of zombies with Cas, then played FFA & Hardcore with her 9 y/o girl cousin who kicked my ass. I also cooked my food for the week, part of the "eat clean" part. Haha. Its yummy too!

“You won't realize the distance you've walked until you take a look around and realize how far you've been.”

7 MILER FAIL =]

At first I was like...

Then I took jack3d & Gu.

Then I ran... 2 miles

and gave up!

Should I be talking about motivation when I failed on 7 miler?

Why not?

The day is not over. This just means my miles for today will be 9 miles instead of 7.  I'll be damned not cat if I don't get that 7 miler in.

I know long runs are the most important for marathon training and I'm only screwing myself up so close to the game if I keep on shocking my body for long runs. I skipped running last week cuz I was in So-Cal for the majority of it and I had to hide form Mr. Curry-man. Don't ask. I had every intention of getting my miles in, Glendale is a beautiful place to run in, I really just had to hide.

Anyway, like I said, I'm determined to get my 7 miles in.  Either treadmill or outside.

I made a couple of mistakes for that 2 mile run. I drank jack3d which I should be cycling off from because I've been taking jack3d for a month now.  And I didn't hydrate.  It was hot when I ran. Like super hot. And as you can tell, I run in shorts but I wear a long sleeved jacket & a tech tee when I run. The tech tee wicks away the sweat, but the jacket is this wind breaker kind of material that doesn't let it evaporate. Its like a wearable sauna and it got me dehydrated really fast.

But its okay! I my have failed that 7 miler, but I owned that 2 miler!

=]

It is NEVER hopeless =]

PS. I ran in my Kinvara 2, I may have a new favorite shoe <3I did a lot of sprinting in those 2 miles to make up for the fact that I gave up, and to test the shoe out, and dang!!! It is like running on puppies! I do need to get higher socks for them tho, but other than that- LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! I'm doing a shoe review very soon. Probably with in this week!!! Also, if I got a dollar for however many honks I get everytime I run (I run partially outside till I get to the park) that Enterprise truck today would have made me at least $100. Thanks buddy, but I didn't want that stare as much as I want that $100.

Running IS For You Too!

Its amazing how many people confessed after reading "EveryBODY Different" that they are scared of running!

The truth is this, I love encouraging people to try out running! But if you ask me to run with you, I'll probably say no.

Why?!

Because 99.999% of you that told me you were scared of running will probably be a lot better than me! And I've been at it consistently since January (been running on & off for years!), seriously since March!

I'm a very competitive person, I get competitive over Monopoly. We all have some of that in us.  Its not necessarily a bad thing, but we can let it get to us if we don't recognize. I had to get over that "I want to beat that person!" mentality really quick. My friends who helped prod me a long the starting line of this journey are way better than me. In my 11 minute PR mile time (I'll always say this, I did a ten minute mile! It just wasn't "official") they could cover at least 2.5 miles. They are crazy fast.

Was I discouraged? Oh. For. Sure! People will tell you how discouraged I was. I began this running thing running a 5k (3.1 miles) in almost an hour. And yes, I am slow! I remember going into my first "race" event, Pasadena May 2011, that I was so discouraged and nervous. I was seriously thinking about backing out, thinking about purposely breaking my leg, and just random junk. I seriously thought I wasn't going to finish 3.1 miles. Or if I did finish, I would be rolled by in a stretcher. My goal was to finish with 45 minutes. And remember when I started I was hitting like 55 minutes for a 5k. Then I ran that ish and ran my little heart out and just let my runny nose run too and finished at 40:22.

40:22, almost five minutes off my goal time.  Is that slow? Eff yeah thats freakin' slow! And I "trained" for that ish! But the thing is, it maybe slow, but its mine. Look, I played soccer, and I loved it, but soccer is a team sport. And I can hardly call a goal "mine."  The thing about running is that its all mine. And now that I have my 40:22, I can now look forward to my 35:00 and my 30:00 and eventually my <20:00 5k.  You see where I'm getting at? Progress. Its not about winning the race, its about you versus you. You progressing. Its not the fastest that wins, its the one that progresses.

Those people who come up to me and say "I'm too scared because I'm slow," let me let you in a little secret. You, being more fit than I am even after dropping a lot of weight, can probably SMASH my 40:22 time. You can probably do a 5k in 30-35 minutes. There are moments when I don't want to encourage people because I know in my gut they are going to beat my sorry little- albeit curvy thanks to running-  ass!

But I just have to remember that this "race" is mine. That I am no Kara Goucher, but I can do my best to be my own Goucher! That I am no Prefontaine, but I can train my ass off like Pre.

This run, and future runs, will be ran by me, for me!

If you want to start, go run around your neighborhood. Sure, your legs are going to be in pain. Probably think your heart will explode, even when you start slow and take walking breaks. Its normal. I thought my lungs were going to explode when I was running 14-15 minute mile (I'm at 11-13 minutes now if I eat right & hydrate properly) and I seriously thought my legs were going to break at the joints.  Guess what tho? My lungs didnt' explode and my legs are still intact. If anything, I have stronger lungs and stronger legs! Honestly after a month I was addicted to put it bluntly.  Even tho at first I ran because I thought it would help me loose weight (if you remember, I lost 5lbs and plateaued) after than month, I was hooked. I was running because I could. I was running because I wanted endorphins. I was running because my butt was looking nicer and nicer after every step.

Its just those things that changed my motivation. Because frankly, there are probably easier and faster ways to loose weight than running, not to mention easier on your body as well; remember, running won't solely do it for weight lost. But I don't think any of them is as rewarding as finding out that you can in fact run a 5k. And in time a 10k. Then a half (13.1 miles) and then finish a full 26.2 miles.  I'm not saying you have to race in order to run, remember this is for you, by you. You don't have to race at all, but trust me, you would want to =] I thought I wouldn't want to race at all. What place does a 45-55 minute 5k girl have in a run? But gosh darn it, I want to run races. Not to race others, but to race me. To have that satisfaction that "Hey cat! You did it when you said you couldn't!"


So for those who want to take up running, for whatever reason you may have, I'll borrow a little slogan:

Just. Do. It.

EveryBODY Different

By no way am I a dietitian, a nutritionist, a personal trainer, nor do I consider myself knowledgeable about all things concerning health.  But what I do know comes from advice of those who knew before me and application of those advices and seeing what worked and didn't work for me. By no means am I anywhere near my ideal body (if you want to know its runners lean!) but I have no doubt that I can get there =] If you don't want to read the entire thing, its fine, just at least burn off 1 or 2 calories by scrolling all the way to the bottom of this post, the bottom line should help you. I'm also putting this right after telling you to scroll down cuz it has a greater chance of being read, know this as well: the way you look will not fix your insecurities. That statement will be left at that, just take it for what it is. You can add "not a shrink" to not a nutritionist or a personal trainer =]

I recently saw a bunch of family and friends in a party, I haven't seen them in at least 3 months. People have been asking what the hell I do. They all said one or more of these things

• "You lost a lot of weight!"
• "How much did you loose?"
• "What do you do?"
• "What do you eat?"
• "You're disappearing!"
• "I want to do what you're doing!"

There were also a few other random things I chose to leave out, they were weird comments 8-)

I'm going to be one of those people who say this, there is no magic pill, its pure diet & exercise!

Lets break it down yo! Grab popcorn (no butter) and get comfy!

Exercise
I, obviously, do a lot of running. But what you need to know is that running won't drop your weight for you. Haha. A lot of people think running is a cure all for weight loss, but from MY experience, it isn't! When I started running, I lost 5lbs and then didn't drop anymore for a month. It was like thats it?! And half of those was probably water weight from sweating so much!  So why the hell do you run?! I run because I love, I mean LOVE, the feeling of endorphins after my runs. Its crazy addicting. I also love seeing progress! Its one of those mental benefits of running. Running, is after all, just you and the road. You push yourself, you lift those damn legs, and move. Its for you, by you! That is why I run.  Why won't running help you loose weight? Running alone won't help you because its an aerobic exercise. Its good for your heart, its good for your lungs but really aside from your legs, you're not building muscles (remember: muscles burn more calories than fat). A lot of people say I'll go running to justify what they eat. There lies the problem. Remember its diet (which means what you eat, not cutting back on what you eat. It just means what you eat) AND exercise! So really, the approach most people take to running/exercising is a means to justify what they eat. Which is okay if you're trying to maintain weight, which I'm not, I'm trying to cut weight and gain muscle. And most of us is trying to cut weight. So do I attribute some of my weight loss to running. Most definitely! I do, but its not just running alone.  I also attribute a lot of mental benefits to running, but thats another blog entry =]

Like I said above, aside from your legs, running doesn't really help you build muscle. And unless you change up your running surface (trail or road) you're probably just working the same muscle groups all the time and still not building a lot of muscle since its constant strain on one set of muscle groups. So aside from running, I also do some strength training in the form of P90x!!! I love love love P90x! Its one of those things we all cringe at in the beginning but you get into it and you feel the burn and you feel bad ass! Especially since I'm a girl, I get all proud and feel all bad ass when I finish and finish well! P90x is an anaerobic exercise. I'm not going to go to deep into the difference between aerobic & anaerobic exercises, I'll let this website do the talking. For the link phobic, its like a hybrid vehicle, first they rely on the electricity part then when they hit the faster speeds, they rely on gas. For the most part, we rely on oxygen (aerobic) to fuel our cells, but when intensity is bumped the oxygen is not enough and the body relies on other chemical reactions to fuel itself- which creates lactic acid which is why we experience muscle fatigue. Obviously, P90x is a high intensity type of training. Any weight training regimen is intense and requires a lot of energy making it anaerobic.  I don't think you really had to know the difference. I just got carried away! Haha. Why is P90x necessary? Really, any strength training is necessary. First of all, it helps build muscles and when talking body, more muscle is always better! muscle > fat is always a good thing! Plus muscles help pull everything in. Weight may not change for a while, but you will drop inches and its better to go by inches rather than weight. A pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat =]

So over all, the exercise part is running (cardio) & P90x (strength trianing). A good balance, 30 minutes of each is good, but really, people are lazy (including me sometimes!) so if you can only do one, strength train! Build those muscles and let them burn fat for you!

Diet
I'm going to start by saying this: diet doesn't mean you change your food intake, diet is simply what you intake. Diet has such a negative connotation, like I'm going on a "diet." In reality, you're already on one, it just depends if its a good or bad one.

Now that that is out of the way, I'm going to say one more thing: I'm on a very low calorie diet and I'm running and strength training at the same time. Albeit, I did cheat over this weekend when I was in SoCal, but thats why I'm so strict when I'm at home. With that said, here are the basic specs of what I do:

"Cat's Not Recommending this Diet" Diet

• 1200 - 1800 calories a day; 6 meals 200-300 calories a day
• The ratio I try to stick to: 50% protein, 30% carbs (cuz I run, I would generally do 20% & add the other 10% to protein) 20% fat.
• Food List: eggs (mostly white), Ezekiel toast, cheese, 2 Balance Bars (2 meals right there), turkey breast, chicken breas, lettuce, brocolli (really any non starchy vegetables; but brocolli is my go to! High fiber, low GI!). Thats it. I have a boring food in take at home =]
• Water or Green Tea
• One day of cheating!

Macro-Nutrient Ratios
A lot of people rely on counting calories to control their diet.  Thats cool and all but think of food as fuel. You can consume 1200 calories of cake for an entire day but your body won't be fueled. Why? Your body is fueled by chemical reactions that uses carbs, proteins, & fats! A slice of cake will have fats (unhealthy ones) and carbs, but very little protein. So its also important to look at the macro-nutrients. Depending on what you want to try to do (like for me its cut weight & build muscle- low carb, high protein- while still providing enough energy to fuel my runs, which is hard cuz carb is fuel for runs but I really try to cut back on carbs for weight loss- which some say is unnecessary but I love bread the only way for me to do it is DO OR DIE!), ratios is something that you should look at. Generally speaking I believe 40% carbs, 30% protein, & 30% fat is what is the norm. It took me a long time to get ratios down, and to some extent, I still don't have it down, but once you have a basic understanding of ratios, you can start to manipulate your ratios, i.e. carb cycling! Carb cycling is something I tried to do but had a hard time doing since I'm so anti carbs, but I started doing it sub consciously, I won't talk about it too much till I get my head wrapped around it solidly, but it works! For those who are trying to loose weight and is putting in work in exercising (both kinds) I would just go with the 40/30/30 ratio. Once you figure out what your goals are, you can start to manipulate your ratios.

Thats it. I can break it down specifically to what I eat but generally speaking, thats how my diet consists like. I know a lot of people are asking for specific foods, but seriously if you ask my sisters or my parents who are at home, thats really the majority of what I eat. Preparations may be different, but I stick to those meats, veggies, bread, etc.

DISCLAIMER I don't recommend this diet because at my weight and height, my basal metabolism is almost 2000. That means to do nothing but lie in bed all day and keep my body functioning, I burn 2000 calories. I'm consuming 1200 calories a day and so by that calculation I'm already down 800 calories, take into consideration that I strength train and/or run everyday, means I'm really down on calories. This may seem bad ass, (& to be honest I sometimes think I have an eating disorder. Haha, I don't! I'm just really careful cuz I know I eat not so cleanly when I'm out of town, & I'm out of town a lot) but its dangerous. Do you see that flashing *DANGER* sign? Its there!

If its dangerous, why do you do it? Here is the beauty of exercising and "getting in touch" with your body. You learn to read your body. You learn to listen to your body and its demands. You learn to know what works for you and what doesn't.  I'm still learning this eating thing as well because I'm a very lazy eater. I don't want to complicate things and I'm sure theres variety of foods I can eat aside from turkey and chicken and turkey, but I like to keep it simple. I don't want to think too much since if I get information overload, I'll give up. It may also seem that I'm super duper strict food police, but I'm really not. I can be flexible when the occasion calls for it. If theres an occasion, I'll eat what I'm served. Like right now, I just got back form SoCal, land of good food a plenty, so you know I"m really strict on what I'm eating right now. I'm probably going to cut back on carbs some more unless its the day before a long run. And I'm going to bump up the intensity/duration of my strength training/runs. Generally speaking tho, what I listed above is what you'll see me eat. And it seems like its really little food, but I'll eat a ton of broccoli, like two crowns of broccoli. Or a big plate of salad. Its just learning what your body needs. For example, I learned through trial and error and learning how to read my body that if I have a long run the next day, I'll eat a bit more carbs the previous day (ratio manipulation!) and if I know I'm going to be in a rest day I'll ease up on the carbs and just load up on veggies. Its things like that.

So, if you don't recommend your diet what do you recommend?
Learning to read your body and your tummy and what it needs is probably the most important thing anyone can learn as opposed to being told what to eat. In a way, I believe we all know what to eat and what to avoid, we don't need to be told that. I will put up resources on this, but theres so many conflicting information in the internet that really, I would advice to read up, find something that you think is do-able for you. Do it. If it works, keep on doing it. If it doesn't find another thing. If it STOPS working, by that time, you'll probably be able to read your body. Like I said, I'm still learning, and by no means do I consider myself a nutritionist. PS. I'll update another post with resources. I'm sifting through a ton of them right now. LOLOLS! I will however say this, don't go by the food "plate" pyramid thing that the gov't released. Its bs!



EveryBODY is different. This is what worked for me, since a lot of you asked. I can go into so much details (like this isn't detailed right? I haven't even talked about my supplements! lol) but I think this is already wordy enough. I'm still on this journey, its really life long, and would be more than happy to help anyone out.  But I'm letting you all right now, what works for me, might not work for you at all. A lot of people just asked what I do, and heres my answer.

If you don't want to read the whole thing, just read the bottom line:

 eat clean, train dirty & keep at it.

Keep Going

Not sure if its cuz I didn't run Saturday or Sunday and only did one mile yesterday, but my motivation for running seemed to significantly drop over the weekend. From LEGGO! to Hell no! Maybe its the lack of endorphins and I'm going through withdrawals, but wouldn't that mean I would want to run like fifty miles? Or endorphins is like taking Red Bul as a chaser? Its a downer/upper? You want it but since you're stressed or not on your "happy drug," you just can't get up and get it? Haha. All this endorphin talk is really just excuse. I love the feeling of it, but really in the end, its up to me to get out and do it.

My fears and anticipation for the half this September and my full next year is on rage right now. Its crazy. But I've come to accept and understand that these feelings will come and go and that running has always been for me by me. Not for anyone else.

I'm probably just anxious. I love how I feel when I'm running when I'm working out when I'm out there doing something anything for my body. And thats something that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world right now. 

Been going through a few non-running related things that has taken its toll on my mind and sometimes those things affect us physically as well. Just need to recognize that and move on from that. Running has also been my escape, my way to deal, with stress and I don't think I can be sane without running.

I'll be okay tho.  I know myself well enough that my anxiety will turn into excitement again and will light a fire for my motivation. Those little spurts of progress always motivates me and makes me smile. I don't think anyone understands the running part of running. Everyone seems to see me and see the "weight loss" aspect of running. But running has very little to do with that, the weight loss part is from watching what I eat. Running just ensures I'm always on a calorie deficit. But anyway, the running part of running is really what motivates me. Beating PRs, the mental drive after mile four and just being out there and doing something for me when for the longest time, I've been doing things for others, that is what I run for.

Cat, keep going. Keep going.


Just because you don'tw ant to doesn't mean  you can't. Keep going.

Date A Girl Who Runs

Read this in one of the many running communities I follow.


Date a girl who runs. Date a girl who chooses to move than to let the world pass her by. She will cover the roads with you while talking about the mundane to the profound without gasping for air. She will notice and appreciate the little things: the extra cushioning of her shoes, the softness of the pavement vs concrete, or how much cooler it is to run 30 minutes earlier in summer.

Take her to a race and be there with her 30 minutes before gun start. You will watch her fret over her gels, and her hydration, and the portalets. You will laugh because she gives so much importance to running as if it was her entire life. But, you will learn later on that it only shows how passionate she can be about what is important for her.

Hold her jittery hands before you enter the assembly area. She will hope to break her PR at the half marathon, but do not wish her luck; she won’t need it after all the speed work and tempo runs. Instead, show her a reassuring smile that she’ll be fine and that you’ll be proud of her whether she finishes first or 50th. Let her know that you’ll be waiting at the finish line—or at least you’ll show up there in case she finishes several minutes before you do.

If you find a girl who runs, never let her go; register for a marathon and train together. Be her best friend on the road. When she talks, listen to the joys of her first 5k, the pains of her recurring Plantar Fasciitis, and the 1,001 reasons why she loves to run while pretending that you can keep up with her “easy” pace. In between stories, allow her to take a sip from your water bottle or remind her when it’s time to take a gel. Watch her glow when she talks about running; she is in her element. She is running by your side.

She is happiest on Sundays, the day when she can run long with you. She loves to sweat, and the sore legs, and, of course, the hefty breakfast along with the good conversations that follow each run. Always have a cold, wet towel in the cooler waiting for her. Surprise her with her favorite post-recovery drink, low fat chocolate milk, and if she runs an extra 5km, spike it with her favorite coffee from Starbucks. In her simple joys, you will find an abundance of happiness.

Propose after your first marathon abroad. Or drop the ring in her hydration bottle. Or run the trails together and end with a proposal at sunset.

When you marry a girl who runs, the only time you will see her slow down is when she walks down the aisle towards you. She’ll be a picture of beauty and strength in a gown with her running shoes upon her feet and all you will be able to think of is the thousands of kilometers you will run together. You will find the best running partner in her. You will talk about the household, career, and finances during your long runs. You will fight during your hill training and make up during easy runs.

She will never force your children to run, but they will learn to love it when they see her passion for running. She will make living a healthy, active life easy, natural, and best of all, fun. Expect a lot of laughter, sweat, and sports beans. Running will not be a sport, but it will be a way of life for you and your children.  You will never run alone.

Love a girl who runs and she will love you back the same way she loves running. You will ask her why she loves running and she’ll answer: Because I can. You will ask her why she loves you and she’ll reply: Because I do.


By Jaymie, the Bull Runner

The Ugly Side of "Pretty"

after my run!

I think being comfortable in my own skin as I am now is the greater mental goal than "waiting" to be where I want to be physically then being happy.

This is the ugly side of my work outs.

I've said it before and nothing has changed. In the beginning, I started to run because I wanted to loose weight.  Tired of being uncomfortable in my own skin, tired of the way I looked. Just plain old tired.

Eventually after a while, my motivations changed,  you can read more about that here.

Lets not get anything wrong, from even before I started this blog, till now, I've lost a lot of weight, and even tho my motivation has changed, I still want to drop a lot more, at least 70 more lbs as a matter of fact.

I normally don't mention numbers here, but I did it to prove a point. When I typed out that number, I felt so disgusted. Very disgusted & disappointed with myself.  How the hell did I let myself go to the point where I want to lose that much weight? Granted, at my height, that weight is really low [if I mentioned my target weight, and then people can calculate my current weight, my insecurity flares up so much, I might puke all over my keyboard with disgust, so I won't]. 

This is my ugly side of "pretty." 

The side where I'm frustrated at myself for letting myself go.  The side where I forget what my true worth is [you & I, were worth the life of Christ!] and place it on superficial things like looks.  The side where I feel compelled to run two sets a day.  The side where I won't eat anything for a whole day but a slice of toast.  The side where I'm constantly berating myself when I don't have time to run or P90x.

The ugly side of pretty.

My motivation is still the same. I want to live a life a healthy life. A higher quality of life that can be achieved by being healthy.  Its not so much a one time thing to get rid of unwanted pounds as it as a lifestyle change.

I'm going to raise my kids barefoot, eating healthy foods [of course with in reason, kids need cake & candy. I'm a kid at heart!], and I'm going to encourage them to run and all that lovely stuff.

But there are days when the ugly side of pretty comes up.

There are days when I stare in the mirror disgusted. There are meals where I have to force myself to eat because I feel like every bite is a pound gained.  There are runs where I push myself so hard I feel like my bones are going to snap. 

Throughout this time tho, I learned that there will always be days like this.  The ugly days when things just don't seem to be working.  Days when I feel like an elephant. Days when my runs feel like I'm moving slower than a snail. Days when P90x just kicks my ass.

These days, they come & go, they sometimes get to me deep and sometimes I just want to give up.  But then I look back at how far I've come, how much I progressed and I realize that while these days come once in a blue moon, progress is forever. Proving myself wrong, boosting my self-esteem, ass kickin'... those things... they last forever. 

I'm thankful for the ones who listen to me when I have my off days.  For the ones who keep remind me to look past this tiny dot that blocks my eye and see the whole picture. About how far I've come and how far I'm going to get.

So ugly days, they come & go.

But what you're doing for yourself, that will stay forever.

Sort It Out

I get antsy when I have too much time to think about things. I thrive under pressure. When I had to write papers or have comps, I usually churn out my best work the last minute. The only 100% grade my English teacher ever gave was to me, and it was a paper I worked on until 3 am the day of.

I am officially registered for the half marathon and like I mentioned, I have some trepidations about the run.

I know & I know that if I keep up with training, which I so plan to, that I will probably better do way better than my predictions right now. So I really have no reason to be so worried about not finishing and finishing last- which are my two greatest fears about this run.

To be honest, my self-image is always on low. Its not that I'm running this half to loose weight, really I just mentioned that because deep down, I seriously feel like I don't belong.  To me its like seeing a Hummer in a Nascar event.  And did I just compare myself to a Hummer? Damn. Its worst than I thought. I really don't want to be self-depreciating, I don't want this to turn into something where I'm constantly wearing my self esteem down. Its not healthy. I'm just being honest here.

Really tho, if this event is anything at all like the Pasadena, runners are some of the friendliest, welcoming, motivating & encouraging group of community I've ever met.  Regardless of where you are physically or anything, they are always there to encourage. The pavement is always there to be ran on. Its just on you.

And right now, its exactly that.

This run is on me.

I do want to do it. Don't get me wrong. I'm scared, I'm nervous, I have feelings of inadequacy but I do want to do this.  I'm the type of person who will ride out what they feel because if I suppress it, its going to eat me up. But yes, I do want to do this.

I'm determined to put in the work, I'm determined to go out there and train, I'm determined to see results. I'm determined to do this for me.

I'm thankful for those who constantly remind me that yes, I can. Even when I feel like I can't. I'm the type to be encouraged by words, and in the same vein, I'm also easily discouraged by words. And we all know we can be our worst and best motivators.  As someone said, "don't let that fail seed© grow" (yes, its copyrighted!). I think my fail seed is my self-image. My fail seed is the fact that because of my poor self image, I have already discounted myself to loose. Even if I am motivated to work hard, and am working hard, I have already filed myself into the "fail" category.  Its not a good thing to think that way. I maybe getting fit physically but mentally I'm breaking down.

I know that its ultimately up to me to change the way I think. And I know that every training I do, every hill I conquer, every run I take, I'm taking a step towards proving myself wrong.

Each step, each hill, each run is me telling my self that I can in fact do this. That I am capable. That its my decision and I'm out there doing it, that says something you know. That while I feel like I'm a Hummer in a Nascar race, its a Hummer going out there doing work and holding her own.

So from now on, I resolve to believe the best in me. I sincerely believe the best in others, why can't I do the same about me?

Head Up

Today is a new day! Yesterday was horrible in terms of mentality and self esteem. It was very horrible. 

Days like that happen tho, and its up to me if I want to let it get to me or not.

I'm the biggest dreamer, I set the bar high, but at the same time I'm also easily discouraged so I take that bar down.

I was really worried and bothered by the half.

The fear of not finishing, of passing out, of everything pretty much anything wrong that could happen was in my head yesterday.

I went for a run even tho I wasn't "supposed" to to clear my head and it didn't work but had a good talk with a friend and that helped a lot.

Its a new day. I put in work yesterday and I'm really happy about that, it was just all in the mind. Which is really just as important as the physical stuff.

Anyway, its a new day! Smile!!!

I'm going for either my tempo or long run later on today. I couldn't do it early in the morning because I didn't eat enough yesterday. I can tell I would have nothing to fuel my body. I could take my GU, that I bought out of guilt because I took up so much time at RR but didn't buy shoes, but that won't last if I have nothing to begin with.